Time to Break Out the

SHORTS:

1. I'm starting to think Alice Waters is the Puffy of the restaurant world. (And no, I'm not ever switching to "Diddy," by the way.) As in, I don't think she really does anything. Much like Puffy, she just swooshes around self-importantly, demanding that things happen, taking credit for those things and cultivating fame. I always assumed she was the chef at Chez Panisse, where I ate once in college in the cheap seating section when Brian's parents were in town. If you've heard of her, you probably assumed that too. But my impression from reading The United States of Arugula by David Kamp is that she is far from a professional cook. Likelier a candidate for narcissistic bitch.


2. Anybody not getting married wins a FREE CUPCAKE! *

3. PLAMEGATE UPDATE! Libby's not going to jail? Wha? Scooter was sposed to be in the yard with the Mexican mafia and then rat out Angler! (That's what cool people call Cheney.) I'm so sad.

4. Maybe the worst thing about the ScooterCommuter© incident was that I had to hear motherfucking Tucker Carlson, who is no better sans bowtie, giggle and quip with his fucking comic relief sidekick (who looks like a rich guy prick from an 80s movie) about how Libby will now lose his hip hop cred. This is what it was like:

"Haha, cause before it was like, yeah, no snitchin'!"
"It was like him and Little Kim! Little Kim! And Scooter Libby!" [Show side-by-side pix of Lil Kim and Libby, to much chortling laughter.]
"Haha he was down with the Wu Tang Clan!"
"The Wu Tan Clan!"
"We're so cool cause we're like white and conservative and stuff but then we know just barely enough about hip hop to laugh at it racistly!"
"Haha!"

It's a tragedy when anyone makes Anderson Cooper seem cool. Really.


5. Too bad that as of this week it probably puts me on a cultural par with the average soccer mom or suburban tween, but I love Amy Winehouse. I guess it's more accurate to say I love the Back to Black album. A-dub herself is dangerously underrehabbed, as you probably know by now. It should be duly noted that Brian, ever the cultural attache, nominated her for Sexiest Voices back in January. It should be triply noted that he rescinds his statement that she's hot now that he's seen more pix of her bony ass.

I could never have dreamed that someone would make girl group songs with rappers and Fiona Apple-level lyrics. It's like my inner child is waving hello to my outer adult. I think the title track is the best song on the album. And if you're sick of Jay-Z's snorer verse on Rehab Remix, download the version featuring Pharoahe Monche. ("No-n-n-no no I won't go-g-g-go to rehab...") Totes awesomer.

And Amy is a Member of the Tribe to boot! (That means she's Jewish.)

What with her troubled soul all raw and open to the world's dissection, I can't help wanting to take Amy in and give her some fresh straw and food and water--maybe set her up in a little hutch next to the chicken coop. Wait. Sorry. I was starting to mix her up with this wounded baby bunny I found in the yard last week. (The wounds were from my cat.) Anyway, same instinct.


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